Smitty’s Carryout and Tobacco hires actual Somali pirates, has new ice cream flavor
By: Mark Wayne, Lead Investigative Reporter
Date: July 2022
Billy Sunday’s nightmare just got worse in Louisa, KY. Not only did the residents of the town vote in favor of a referendum to allow the sales of alcohol in 2014, which was then passed by the Louisa City Council in 2015, but now a local liquor store has begun some unusual hiring practices. Leaning into their pirate theme, Smitty’s Takeout has started hiring actual Somali pirates.
“We want to give our customers an authentic modern pirate experience when they visit our store, and the best modern-day pirates are from Somalia,” stated the owner of Smitty’s, Steve Bonnet. The gentlemen added that the new employees have really taken to the area, with many of them beginning to travel up and down the Levisa Fork and Big Sandy River in boats called pirogues.
According to Lawrence County Sheriff Buck Mackson, several people in the town and surrounding areas have reported possible raids, including a big one in nearby Warfield, KY where several barrels of salt were looted. The Sheriff’s Office has asked for help from the United States Coast Guard in investigating these matters.
Former City Councilmen Butch Hustle, who voted against the alcohol ordinance in 2015, had this to say when asked about Smitty’s new hires, “I knew this would happen. I told everyone that this was a slippery slope to heathenism. Next thing you know the Baptists are going to start leaving their wine glasses out when company comes over, just like the Methodists already do.”
In addition, Smitty’s has recently introduced some new ice cream flavors and they are amazing.
TIME-OUT FROM COMEDY: This article was inspired by the book River of Sand Bars
River of Sand Bars tells the history of the boats that used to traverse the Big Sandy River and its tributaries. It includes history of the river during the civil war, including the Boat Fight and tales of future President James A. Garfield.
It is by Kay Stamper Dickinson and Jack L. Dickinson.
Also, Warfield did have a strategically important salt mine during the Civil War which was one of the primary reasons for conflict in the area during periods of the war.
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