Fort Gay moves to annex Point Section

Fort Gay forces seen moving a tank across the Louisa-Fort Gay Bridge

By: Mark Wayne, Lead Investigative Reporter

Date: October 24, 2022

During the most recent City Council meeting, Fort Gay, WV Mayor Jolene McCoy introduced a controversial motion to formally annex the Point Section from Louisa, KY. The annexation is viewed as illegal by several surrounding towns and counties, but is expected to be supported by the Fort Gay City Council at a special meeting later this week.

Fort Gay Mayor Jolene McCoy held a rally outside of the old Fort Gay High School this past weekend, in which she put forth an aggressive town policy she called “The Gay Agenda”. Municipal Judge Barry Git also spoke at the rally where he fully supported “The Gay Agenda.” Both went on to condemn the Commonwealth of Kentucky, as well as blame members of Antifa and Hillary Clinton for stealing the Point Section from [West] Virginia in 1799.

A reporter covering “The Gay Agenda” rally held by Mayor McCoy and Judge Git

The actions of the Fort Gay government were harshly condemned by Louisa Mayor Gerald Jones and admired by Lawrence County Judge Executive Bill Gardner.

Louisa Mayor Gerald Jones released a statement saying, “We will not allow ourselves to succumb to The Gay Agenda. If they think we are going to just bend over, then they have no idea what’s coming for them.”

Fort Gay tanks and soldiers have been reported by eyewitnesses living in the Point Section. Satellite imagery has confirmed troop movements into the area. Point Section residents are asking Louisa and the Commonwealth of Kentucky for aid and protection from “The Gay Agenda.”

Louisa Mayor Gerald Jones has announced what he called “The Trans Mission” to bulk up security around The Louisa-Fort Gay Bridge, which is the main mode of transportation in and out of the Point Section from both Louisa, KY and Fort Gay, WV.

West Virginia and Kentucky National Guard leaderships have formed a “Bi-lateral Commission” in order to investigate the situation.

Scene outside The Gay Agenda rally held in West Virginia

Time-Out From Comedy:

This article was inspired by the amazing book entitled Kentucky’s Last Frontier by Henry P. Scalf which was written in 1966. This book is a great companion book to Harry M. Caudill’s Night Comes to the Cumberlands, and includes a section discussing the dispute between Kentucky and Virginia in terms of settling where the state line would be.

The famous story about how Kentucky Governor Isaac Shelby and the Governor of Virginia, who's name I don’t care about, appointed commissioners to survey the boundary between the two states is in the book.

Long story short, on October 13, 1799 the commissioners:

Archibald Stuart, Gen. Joseph Martin, and Creed Taylor, Esquires of Virginia

John Coburn, Robert Johnson, and Buckner Thruston, Esquires of Kentucky

convened at the Big Sandy River, where the Louisa Forks and Tug Fork met. The day was dreary from rain and the commissioners had nothing better to do than get absolutely hammered drunk.

While they were getting all litty-titty off their liquor they agreed the Tug Fork was clearly the larger branch, since it seemed deeper and wider than the Louisa Fork. When they awoke the next morning with raging hangovers, they realized it was the western river that was actually bigger. Rather than rectify their mistake, they decided drunk words are sober desires and just went with their drunken judgement.

Below is a short excerpt from Kentucky’s Last Frontier by Henry P. Scalf that talks about the border dispute. This book is hard to find and is out of print, which is the only reason why I’m including this excerpt. If you get a chance to check out this book, I highly recommend it! It has a lot of great history and information about Eastern Kentucky.

  • Starz & Stripez sets karaoke World Record after death of Loretta Lynn

    The Louisa Starz & Stripez set a Guinness World Record this past Friday after the death of Loretta Lynn. The World Record set was for having “The Most Consecutive Unique Drunk Karaoke Renditions of Coal Miner’s Daughter.” Which is an oddly specific World Record to exist.

  • Fall 2022 Hottest Church Signs of Louisa

    What does it mean to be the “Hottest Church Sign”? Is it the sign that has the brightest backlighting? The sign that has the sexiest slogan? Or is it the sign that reminds us the most fervently of the eternal flames of damnation and torture that await those who cross an ever-compassionate and all-loving God? Short answer, is it’s a little bit of all of those things.

  • ARC Poster Boy made to walk plank

    An executive for Area Readdiction Conglomerate (ARC) was abruptly fired from his position this past week after signs of misdeeds came under surveillance.