By: Mark Wayne, Lead Investigative Reporter

Date: August 15, 2022

While the Mainstream Media is using professional journalists to push the narrative that last week’s raid was all about recovering classified and top-secret documents illegally taken by former President Donald Trump, The Big Sandy Lazer has gained access to the affidavit used to justify the raid. It turns out the target of the raid was not the twice impeached former President, but instead was a multi-years long effort to successfully unmask and capture the elusive graffiti artist known as Riverbanksy.

            Riverbansky is known for their notorious and much-beloved tagging of “Billy Bob Loves Charlene” across multiple sites in Louisa, KY. They have also been linked to the lesser-known “Bob Dillon on a motor scooter” graffiti and “H***** M***** gave me the clap” grafitti.

            The BS Lazer obtained the affidavit from a mysterious source only known as The DA, who is a mysterious source that claims to be an insider in both the Trump and Biden administrations with top secret clearance. The DA is a trusted source according to their followers, who identify themselves with the slogan WRDA4BTS, which means “We are Dumb A$$e$ for Believing This S#!&.”

            Allegedly, the former President had documents identifying Riverbanksy and where Riverbanksy resides. The FBI’s interest in recovering the documents was to ensure that no one who had access to the former president’s personal safe could use the documents to sell-out Riverbanksy to a foreign nation. Riverbanksy is a beloved national treasure, who would surely be the target of foreign nationals who hate America, Democracy, Freedom, and Louisa.

            Kentucky Senator Rand Paul has publicly called for repealing the law that makes selling national secrets, like the identity of Riverbansky, illegal. Which is in no way suspicious at all.

Time-Out From Comedy: Seriously… Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky is doing this. I don’t want to get political because this is a comedy venture… It just sounds so much like a nonsensical comedic headline that I would come up with: KY Senator receives shady foreign donations and wants to repeal anti-treason legislation… Or something like that

Sources:

John McCain(R-Arizona) called him out in March of 2017 on working for Vladimir Putin.

Now Rand Paul(R-Kentucky) is trying to repeal the law that makes it illegal to sell government secrets or commit sedition.